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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23559973">Jessie And James Self-Isolate Inside The Team Rocket Balloon</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeaOfBones/pseuds/SeaOfBones'>SeaOfBones</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Anime), Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>COVID-19, Crack, Gen, Humour, Prompt Fill, Quarantine, This Is STUPID</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 18:27:51</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,955</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23559973</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeaOfBones/pseuds/SeaOfBones</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After James gets a cold, Jessie and James must self-isolate inside the Team Rocket balloon. It goes about as well as you would expect.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kojirou | James &amp; Musashi | Jessie &amp; Rocket-dan Nyarth | Team Rocket Meowth</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>52</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Jessie And James Self-Isolate Inside The Team Rocket Balloon</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/thenewdarling/gifts">thenewdarling</a>.</li>



    </ul></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Jessie and James tore off their food cart aprons, revealing their Team Rocket uniforms.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Prepare for trouble,” Jessie rasped.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And make it--” James started to cough, covering his mouth with his hands.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Officer Jenny looked terminally unimpressed. “Into your hands, really?” She turned her head and mimed coughing into the crook of her elbow. “If you don’t have a tissue to hand, this is the most hygenic way to cough. Now.” She tapped the hot dog cart’s already out-of-date food hygiene certificate. “Were you going to wash your hands before you went back to preparing food?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“AJAB,” James murmured, squeezing a pump of hand sanitiser into the palm of his hand and rubbing it all the way along his uniform’s elbow-length gloves.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The Pokémon world doesn’t have systematic police brutality,” Officer Jenny replied. “Even if it does, apparently, have COVID-19. Speaking of which, with your cough and your throat…” She looked severely between the two of them. “Team Rocket or no, I’m going to have to ask you to self-isolate at home.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Can’t we self-isolate inside our food cart?” Jessie asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jenny tapped the expired food hygiene certificate again. Jessie sighed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ey, what about us Pokémon?” Meowth asked from under the cart.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jenny stared at the cart.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I said, uh, what about our Pokémon?” James said quickly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Officer Jenny shrugged. “They can’t catch it, but they can still carry the virus on their skin, fur, slime, leaves, rocks, lava or gelatinous membranes. It’s better to keep them in their Pokéballs, for the time being. Oh, and to sanitise your Pokéballs between uses.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Where are we supposed to get cleaning supplies now?” Jessie asked, throwing her hands up. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>You</span>
  </em>
  <span> confiscated the stockpile of soap we were going to sell to needy trainers for cold, hard cash and warm, soft toilet paper.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Your boss ordered you to </span>
  <em>
    <span>generously donate</span>
  </em>
  <span> your stockpile so I wouldn’t arrest you,” Jenny said pointedly. “...Wait, you don’t have </span>
  <em>
    <span>any </span>
  </em>
  <span>cleaning products at your food cart?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jessie stared guiltily at the food cart. Officer Jenny sighed, and tore the hygiene certificate down.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>---</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jessie peered over the edge of the balloon’s wicker basket as Meowth yowled, his claws digging into the side of the rope. The bag of groceries he’d been holding three seconds ago was falling. Ninety feet, eighty feet, seventy feet… Jessie stopped looking.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Meowth,” she hissed. “That was the last of our money!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, maybe you should have landed the balloon, ya idiots!” Meowth snapped.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s for the good of public health,” James replied. He was sprawled lazily across the floor of the balloon, wrapped in a blanket, hands clasped behind his head. “We can’t come within sixty feet of the ground.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jessie sat against the edge and sighed, watching wild Spearows fight over the last of their money. They’d torn through the plastic bag and gotten into the brioche. “What are we going to do now..?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“...I think I have a fever,” James complained. “I can see… a vision… the face of a beautiful man.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s the phone, ya dolt,” Meowth replied. “The boss is inviting us to a Zoom meeting.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sit up!” Jessie commanded, kicking James in the side.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, okay…” he groaned.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The trio crowded together as Meowth accepted the meeting invitation. Giovanni was sprawled on a large red chair in nothing but tight black pants and a gas mask, his Persian draped across the arm rest.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“H-hello boss,” James stammered.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Jessie, James,” he said sternly. “With the latest news about COVID-19, I’m going to be asking you to crime from home.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Crime from home…?” Jessie asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes,” Giovanni replied. “Maybe start an e-mail scam. Butch and Cassidy are doing an e-mail scam.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Butch and Cassidy can--” Jessie began.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are we still getting paid?” Meowth interrupted.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jessie and James nodded enthusiastically, seconding Meowth’s question.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course,” Giovanni replied. “I’m the head of a vast, wealthy criminal empire, not a monster. You’ll be paid the same as usual.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He ended the call. Jessie breathed a sigh of relief. “Well, you can go right back down that rope and buy us more food once we’ve been paid.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>James looked pale. Perhaps it was the fever. “Jessie…” he said. “If we’re getting paid the same as usual…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jessie slumped down on to the ground next to James. “...Then we’ve still had this month’s pay cut to </span>
  <em>
    <span>nothing</span>
  </em>
  <span> for crashing the balloon into the Saffron City base.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Meowth opened the purse Jessie had given him, hoping it wasn’t as empty as the last time he looked. It was.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>---</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You still shouldn’t go out without a mask,” James insisted. “I know that pig said you can’t catch it, but… I think Weezing has symptoms.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Weezing wheezed, and spewed some toxic gas into the air.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He </span>
  <em>
    <span>always </span>
  </em>
  <span>sounds like that,” Meowth replied. “And anyway, where am I gonna get a Pokémon-sized mask?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jessie’s eyes brightened. “We still have that entire wardrobe of surgeon disguises from that time we tried to kidnap Pikachu from the ICU!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, that time we got lost and accidentally ended up helping to deliver those baby Ponyta,” James said dreamily.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, but… that ain’t exactly a real surgical mask,” Meowth pointed out. “You two made it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s just as good,” Jessie said sniffily. “And even if it’s not, it’s better than nothing.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“...Fine,” Meowth sighed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He let himself be dressed. Mask, scrubs, one of those white headbands with the little silver discs on the front. As it served no practical purpose, he wasn’t sure what it was </span>
  <em>
    <span>supposed </span>
  </em>
  <span>to do.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>With his costume perfect, Meowth gritted his fangs, and climbed back down the rope.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Go into town, sell one of the giant Pokémon-shaped robots, and buy food. Easy. Even one of those idiots in the balloon could have done it. Meowth put a respectful paw to his chest as he reached the ground, mourning the sight of the shredded plastic bag. Not a single cereal bar had been spared by those… </span>
  <em>
    <span>animals</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Meowth had only taken two steps away from the balloon when a trio of figures, and one Pikachu, emerged into the clearing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, Team Rocket!” Ash called, surprisingly cheerfully. “We’ve been looking for you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Meowth swatted a claw at them. “‘Ey, scram, kids! Didn’t ya hear? They got the ‘rona!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We know,” Brock replied, gesturing to the plastic bag he was holding. “We’re handing out supplies to anyone who can’t go out themselves.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Pika pika,” the awful yellow rat added.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Meowth looked up to the balloon. Jessie and James had come to the edge.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Prepare for trouble!” Jessie hollered hoarsely.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh no,” Misty sighed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And make it double!” James yelled.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Misty looked down at Meowth as Jessie and James continued to cough their way through their entire motto. “Do they really have to do the whole thing every time?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Listen, twerps,” Meowth protested. “You know the best thing these two have going for them? Their sense of presentation.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jessie threw her arms out in pose. James had managed to fold a shiny, plastic rose out of empty sweet wrappers.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Team Rocket self-isolate at the speed of light!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wash your hands and prepare to fight!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Coronavirus, that’s right!” Meowth added firmly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know, that was about twenty seconds long,” Ash noted.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Brock nodded with firm enthusiasm. “Just the right amount of time to wash your hands.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Misty grimaced. “Anyway, the supplies…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What makes you think we need help from </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” Jessie hollered.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, you’re going to be stuck in that balloon for two weeks,” Brock noted.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And we’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>fine</span>
  </em>
  <span>, thank you!” James insisted.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They definitely weren’t, but Meowth wasn’t going to tell their mortal enemies that.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ash looked very skeptical for a twelve year old, or whatever age he was. “You’re sure there’s nothing you need?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well..” Meowth said. “...You could always give us your Pikachu.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Pikachu flopped across Ash’s shoulders and let out a long sigh. Brock put four cans of beans on the floor, and the trio walked away.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>---</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks,” the man in the Dunsparce onesie said, dropping a sack of cash two metres away from Meowth. “This is going to make social distancing </span>
  <em>
    <span>so </span>
  </em>
  <span>much easier.” Meowth dropped the keys on the ground, and the man gestured for him to walk in a circle, keeping their exchange at the recommended distance. The money was slimy with hand sanitiser, and when Meowth glanced over his shoulder, the man in the onesie was carefully picking the keys up with a cleaning wipe.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Slimy or not, money was money.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Meowth walked away as the man climbed into the ten metre tall Wobbuffet robot, and began to clomp down the empty roads. Pedestrians screamed and scattered from the mecha’s path, only the very brave and very desperate clinging to their position in the now-dispersed queue outside the Pokémart. Meowth sighed happily and followed in the Wobbuffet’s footsteps, ignoring the scowls of other shoppers as he took up one of the abandoned queue positions marked along the pavement in black tape.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soon enough, he was inside.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Meowth dragged the basket along the ground, too small to push one of the human-sized trolleys. The cat food was being rationed to three tins per household, and the biscuits and toilet paper were gone. Meowth filled the basket with instant noodles, knowing that the only cooking equipment they had in the balloon was a kettle.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A cry flew out from a few tape-marked sections ahead. A Birdkeeper had slipped next to a wet floor sign at the end of the aisle.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sir,” an employee said in hushed tones, looking reverently at Meowth. “We need a doctor.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Meowth remembered his outfit.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I, ah, might be infectious, ya know?” he replied. “But…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He looked at the Birdkeeper, who seemed completely uninjured. “I guess I’ll take a look.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He stepped a section closer, and stared in silence, trying to look like he knew what was going on.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You should, uh, go home and put some ice on that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The Birdkeeper nodded. “You’ve saved my life,” they whispered reverently.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Meowth felt gloved hands, lifting him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This tiny doctor is a hero,” the Hiker holding him aloft wept. He was passed to the front of the store, grateful trainers depositing their toilet paper, biscuits and medicine into his basket. As he paid for his groceries to cheers and sobs, Meowth wondered how Jessie and James were doing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>---</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The wind howled, whipping Jessie and James’ hair behind them as they stared down at the rope, teeth gritted, eyes watering.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“One of us needs to go down and tighten the rope,” Jessie grimaced.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is that really an essential journey?” James asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But it was too late. The wind rose, and the rope slipped from its mooring.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jessie and James turned to the burner keeping the balloon aloft in a flurry of motion.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I mean, if we don’t land,” James reasoned. “We might take COVID-19 into space.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jessie cut the fuel, and the balloon began to deflate, the giant caricature of Meowth’s face flopping over on itself.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Jessie, wait--” James started.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jessie looked up, and her eyes widened, as they careened into a tree.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>---</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Meowth sat at the foot of the tree, sheltering from the rain and watching his own face tangled amongst the branches. Jessie and James were draped over the side of the basket, three metres up.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jessie’s hair was tangled with twigs and leaves, and a Pidgey had started to build a nest on top of James’ head. The real Wobbuffet has sprung free from his ball, and none of them had the energy to return him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Maybe I could just toss it up,” Meowth shouted over the storm.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?” Jessie called.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wobbuffet began to wail again as the wind grew quiet.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Meowth sighed, clutched the bag of groceries between his teeth, and started to climb the rain-slicked tree.</span>
</p>
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